I write.

It's so hard to deal with this.

I don't think I was ready to love. Why? Because I just knew that love was a situation that can happen to everyone that It will take me down for a while before I could learn and grow from it.
It is such a fucking complicated situation where you get in to without knowing anything about the relationship you are getting in to it. Is like being an investor and not knowing what you are investing your time in. You don't know anything about it. You just know that you can fall inlove with that person and let the time goes by and see how everything grows and gets better so one day can end.

Here is the thing. I write. This is the only method I have known since I was a teen to relieve what I feel, so I don't explode so I don't keep all this inside. I know that all of the things I write might not have sense or that I might seem crazy. But I swear I have nothing or someone to tell everything that I feel or just talk about this that I feel or what I would like to do. Anne Frank said it, I customize it: Paper (Blog) just listen, unlike humans! You just say it, you don't have to justify what you say. So I write, and then I read, and then maybe a week later I read and I feel better, because I don't even remember how I was feeling and its good, because that means that I am feeling better. Its my own therapy to let out, to let go and to keep mentally sane.

So I have been writing a lot about love and feelings lately. Its very obvious that there is something inside me that is not ok with all of this yet. It is hard to describe and to understand, I just can describe it like a fucking salad of feelings but I am getting better lately. I am getting stronger. The storm that was spinning around my heart and mind is finally disipating and I think I can see some sunlight inside me again, and that's good. That means I am getting better.

It is my first love, it is the first time I have felt so many feelings and so much passion inside. I just never thought that I would be capable of so much, and to get it over and to become stronger and to realize that little by little you don't need to think or to be with that person anymore, because you are actually moving on. And that.........its good and it feels quite right.

It's getting easier to stop thinking about you and to keep you away, I remember a month ago, it was so fucking hard to keep you away, to think of you and to feel sad and so melancholic. Your love did a huge impact and change a lot in me. I am getting better and depending less and less of my heart and becoming stronger again, better than before. I am more stronger to keep away from you and I like it, because I don't like to feel sad all of the time, altough it is good to be sad, because if you are sad that means that soon you will be happy and better. It is a life style that you choose, to be happy and to be stronger. And many might think that being with someone is just a "normal" thing that happens and you cannot avoid. Well you can choose not having it, because I want my essence to be only for me, because when you get with someone, a part of you stays with them, and stays with them forever and your essence is there, not only yours anymore. So for now, I am getting better and that's all.

I write. And I feel better. Thanks.-