Melanchoshit

I really don't know what is happening inside.
I tried to not feel, the more I try the more I feel.
I order my brain to be blank but my heart refuse.

This has never happenned to me before.
What is this?
Is there any medicine or any way to fix it?
Why do I think I need to be fixed.
Everything is just too confusing.

From light to darkness
From sadness to happiness
From smiling to suddenly cry
From feeling determined to feel wrecked.

I want to scream.
I feel how my heart skip a beat.
I feel powerless.
I feel incomplete. Something in me is missing.

Will I ever find it?
Will I ever stop?
Can I make it stop?

When I think I moved on.
I fall, and then I fall again and this time deeper than before.
This is stupid.

Days are the longest.
Often this takes hours
Sometimes minutes
And almost never seconds.

This is not just melancholy.
This is melanchoshit.