"Finding the love of my life at 21 years old.....don´t think so......! Besides I´m better off on my own! #foreveralone" That is the tweet that gave me the idea of this post! 


Love is a really important thing on every human´s life, but should love be my biggest quest on this time of my life? I´m not even 21 years old yet soonner I will. I mean I have seen people who is "inlove" having fights and when I say fight is the physicall agression it self. I have seen so many things that I disagree. If love is what they actually call love then I think I´m better off on my own. 


One of my friends always ask me.......you still single? And so far I always answered him: "Yes, I am" and he express like well.......thats not something weird coming from you, but why? And now I can answer that question.


I remember when I was 15th I use to dream about perfect love and how a lot of people actually find it and all the good it would be having a real love or even the love of my life by this time.........Of course I was only 15th. 


Now I have too many things on my head, personal goals, and I think: Love consumes time, Love makes you spent money, Love makes you think on love when you are trying to focus. I mean those are not bad things but I dont want to consume time in other thing now, I want to finish my career, I want to have a better job and I want to have my own apartment. Then probably get inlove..........but as my grandpa told me once, you might wait for the love of your life...........but will the love of your life wait for you? And I was without arguments I just close my mouth, because my grandpa was right. What if that happens? What if the love of my life gets tired of be waiting for me because I´m avoiding that situation right now.


Well If love comes I think I better open my arms and mind to say hi, give him a hug and give a chance to love......... and see how it comes! 

Improve what we are able to change, control what you can handle as the words that goes out of your mouth...........but love and feelings are Indomitable. We might be good hiding them deep in our being, but they still there and eventually they will show and then we are nothing to fight against them, as hard as you fight they show even more. About love nothing will be completely acknowledged ever! And loneliness won´t be the same when you realize that you cannot live all your life without someone, having a conversation with affection, sleeping with that person...........or simple: Just loving. Then loneliness won´t ever be the same for you.........

Nice day!

Today seems to start normally:


I woke up at 4:30 am as always, I get a shower then get ready, then went to the bus stop and I left my town to go to my work. I logged in my computer at 7:00 am then I started to work to get ready the tracker for my  duty, then talking with  "Susy" one of my oldest friends at work. And the day started to move on...........


I was checking my metrics and I realize I´m going over the goal and thats something good. Checking mail I realize that finally the quality department took my request to learn the Quality Analyst process at my work so I can start the application process right away. And my day was turning in a really nice day, not a usual day,  a really nice and good day. 


Then one of my peers appears. I kinda hate him but actually he is one of my favorites at work, I hate him because I did not have competition on my team before him! I think he is an ass licker and I will keep my word until he proofs the contrary. Also I think I don´t like him too much because he is getting to close to someone .........yes: my crush! I swear I will dieeeeeeee if I realize that he wants something with him! He is straight so I hope he doesn´t turn to the gay side ( as my friends says) Actually I think.........that is the biggest reason why I hate him for real. Gosh he asked me like 3 times for him.........totally annoying.




Two hours later




He shows off........he started to joke around, he actually ask how my day was so far and then we started to talk about....... job .......obviously. 


SO as one of my Girl friends told me I gave him a chocolatte and he said thanks............and ask me for another one, how nice! lol So there we go, pretending nothing and talking a lot,  but getting more in touch again, we are becoming kinda friends now again.....


Then Liz came again so we can go to smoke and talk a little bit more. We where talking about places where to live in San Salvador again and she told me some really nice options. While we where talking those stupid memories came back  (hate it but love it) when we did love for the first time, the scared  he was and the good time we had together, that I actually did love (now I know) not just sex. I shake my head and then I keep talking, then we go back to work. 


When I came back  I started to do my job........again and then we started to talk ........again. But this time was something different on his tone of voice, he was..........sweet. So he was joking again and he makes me laugh really loud it was so funny, I don´t remember what he said but it was fun. 


I continue with my job when one of my friends "Rod" sat on my desk, and he was with a huge aweful smile on his face..........and I ask him: What is wrong with you? 


Rod: I saw youuuuuuu........
Me: You saw me? Doing what?
Rod: I saw youuuuuuuu...........
Me: Again, doing wat Rod tell me!
Rod: I saw youuuuuuuuuu.............
Me: Fuck, tell me what is going on!
Rod: You where laughing so loud and  and you looked so cute
Me: Huh? What do you mean?
Rod: Come on, you guys where laughing at each other, and love was on the air
Me: (  flushed) 
Rod: See, now you are flush! 
Me: Shut up!!! OMG really, fuuuuuuuck! (laughing really nervous, but really nervous)
Rod: Awwwwwww can I invite him to go out? With me and suddenly you arrive and then suddenly I have to leave? What do you say? 
Me: Don´t even think about it! Damn it! I don´t know, is like ..........fuck how the hell is that you suddenly know me better than me! The day I want you to hook me up with him I let you know, of course I will try to ask him to go out with me first ok!
Rod: Awwww Im proud of yoU!
Me: Shut up! (laughing again)


Then Rod walk away and then I keep working, kinda nervous about the fact that he notice it! Well actually he already knew that, but I never thought It was THAT obvious. 


Then my shift finished and I left, saying goodbye to everyone, less him.........then I came back and say: Good bye dude! hahaha hope you do a really nice job" Then he say......."you know what! Take care on your way back, see you tomorrow and it was a nice day we joke a lot and I like it" 
Shit he likes it........of course he did! Hope he likes it more and more and more! lol


Then I came home and I think........wow what a really nice day! Now its time to sleep at 10:20 pm. El Salvador, Central America time. 


Good night world!

 Learn to live everything on everyday, take a moment to live, take a moment to cry, take a moment to love and simple: dont ask why! Just live

La Terraza

El clima estaba perfecto, la noche hecha para disfrutar de una copa de vino y una buena lectura de su novela favorita.
Concentrado en la lectura, la brisa que entra por la ventana medio abierta acaricia su rostro, haciendo que su cuerpo entre en un temblor causado por el frío de la brisa que le hace el amor suavemente, entrando suavemente hasta envolverlo en un suave abrazo. Con la mente sumergida en la lectura, imaginándose cada detalle de aquella buena novela melodramática de la cual siente tal placer leer.

El vino se agota, se levanta para poder servirse un poco mas. Regresa a su sillón favorito que localizado en la terraza, con vista hacia la ciudad, oyendo el alboroto de la gente disfrutando de su viernes con sus amigos. Por un momento divaga y piensa si fue la mejor decisión quedarse en el apartamento dándose el tiempo que merece, disfrutando su soledad. Pero vuelve en si y recuerda lo buena que esta la lectura y el placer que encuentra en ella, y vuelve a sentarse y logra perderse en las letras nuevamente.

Pasados unos veinte minutos, oye el sonido de la puerta de la entrada del apartamento abrirse, piensa que probablemente oyó mal. Luego de unos minutos siente una mirada sobre el, y se levanta entre curioso y atemorizado por la sensación de estar siendo vigilado.

Esta oscuro, no puede visualizar muy bien, se concentra para observar si en realidad hay alguien dentro. No hay luces encendidas mas que la de la terraza. La poca luz en la terraza penetra un poco en la sala y  refleja el rostro......se pregunta si en realidad esta ahi, o si su mente esta jugando así como suele suceder con su corazón al que le encanta jugar con sus sentimientos y manipularlo de vez en cuando.

Aun esta inseguro si en realidad esta ahí ¿Como entro? Se pregunta, aunque en realidad no importa, el hecho que este ahí es bueno, la sorpresa le parece cautivadora. Se acerca un poco mas a la sala, cerca del bonsai y lo observa, sentado con sus piernas cruzadas, observándole fijamente, no quita la mirada de el en ningún momento. Es como si todo se hubiera detenido, no hay sonidos alrededor, el alboroto de la gente al fondo se apago, solo puede oír los latidos de su corazón y sentir los nervios y ansiedad que recorren su cuerpo.

¿Qué haces aquí? Pregunta nervioso.........traga su saliva, agita un poco sus manos, la brisa se escucha, el tiempo parece ser eterno. Observa que mueve sus labios para darle una respuesta y al notar sus labios en movimiento recuerda lo perfecto y carnosos que son los labios de Gabriel.....mientras la respuesta sale lentamente de su boca............