Born this way! Proud by Choice

In a random conversation with one of my closest friends, the gay pride topic came out. And he told me that we (LGBT) take too serious the sexuality, equal rights and all the feeling rejected "thing". Statement which surprised me a lot since I thought that he was a little bit more open minded and not only that but with a better perspective and comprenhension about the sensitive topic we were talking.
I breath and calm down and answer:

"You cannot speak about that specific topic. Why? Well because you have never been a minority, you have never been a second class citizen, you have all your rights without asking for them, you have never been bullied in school or discriminated just because of being who you are, you have never been afraid that your family will realise who you really are and judge you and hate you because of that, you have never being afraid of telling them (your family) the truth about yourself and being kicked out of your home for being sincere, you have never been told that you are an abomination and that you will burn in hell by the lovely religions that we have, you have never been told that God hates you...... you won't understand and to be honest is better not to talk about this since I can see we have a kind of disagreement about this topic right now."

Society evolves, but so far I have seen this only in history classes but I never thought I would be part of history, I never thought my life and my decisions will bother someone else, that my rights will be in someone else hands, that I would be judged by people and not by God (if you believe in one)

All of the lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, transexuals, asexuals that live in this earth have a pretty hard past (at least the majority of us) and way to learn to be happy even if the world is against you. For some of use the battle starts in our own family even when we don't know what's going on, but you understand soon that life is for winners not for losers. We are PROUD because we have overcome many SHITS that "NORMAL" people don't go thru. 

Why are we proud of being a QUEER? 

1. LIFE

Didn't committ suicide. Many of us went thru that awful stage where death is an option. I was suicidal for a long time, thinking about how to kill myself because I hate the way I was and I thought I was wrong, then one day I choose to live and forget all those negative thoughts and continue with my life and acomplish my goals. Nobody will live my life if I didn't start to see how bless I am just for being alive. 

2. TOLERANCE

Tolerance for those who teach love but hate is in their blood: Religion. I was born and raised in religion, I was told that the kingdom of God was closed to me just because of my nature, because when I was 7 years I was told that I decided to be and like what I do now, that I was wrong and that I needed to change, that I was a shame for God. Then I grew and I learned that I was not bad, sick or wrong and that I didn't want to feel miserable just for being me, so I told God: Hey God, I love you, but your followers are talking shit in your name, so I really don't like them but just to be clear I love you and that is what matters the most. The best response to hate is love and tolerance.  

3. LEARNED TO FORGIVE, BUT NOT TO FORGET

We all have been discriminated, hated, bullied, treated as shit by people. Words and attitudes hurts more than physical wounds, many times we learned to stay quiet and not speak just to keep "quiet". We learned to listen and to watch our family and friends, to love them even if they hate you. You might love someone a lot, but there is a limit and nobody has the power to treat you as a second class citizen. Some friends of you will love the way you are but won't  support the rights that you deserve as a human being and that is something that definitely you will forgive but not forget.

4. WE LEARNED TO STAND UP AND STOP BEING A VICTIM

One day I got tired of being bullied, so I started my taekwondo classes. I know that violence is wrong, but everything has it's limits, it feels good to punch in the face to those stupids that hits you and offended you for a long time and then see how they respect you. 

5. WALK TO AVOID, NOT TO RUN AWAY.

You just learn that some people are stupid! I just remember that one day someone asked me: "Were you raped? " Seriously? Then you learn that some people are just ignorants and they love it and they hate to learn and to open their mind. We learned that those persons feel really irritated when you just ignore them. 

There are so many other reasons why we are and why we choose to be proud! But for the moment those are a few I can think were the most important for me at the beggining. Life is not fair sometimes, but we all learn that it always gets better. We learned that we are light, that we are good and that there is nothing wrong with us.

For you that you are reading, just think about it: What if one day your son or your daughter is gay? Believe me I don't wish your son or daughter born that way because it is hard indeed to be a "Queer" in this world, it is hard. If that is the case would you like to be part of the closed minded society who discriminates or part of the smart society who evolves and learns that tolerance is a life style and not judge by the cover.

There is something you have to keep in mind: We are queer, we are here and we are not afraid.

For those in Russia, in the middle east in those societies where being who you are is condemned by the same ignorants who attempt to rule the world with their old ancient rules, let me tell you: IT GETS BETTER. Hold on and keep fighting, the world is watching, we all have to fight our own demons, we all have to fight our own battles in our own families, circles, societies and countries. Don't give up and remember that society wouldn't be the same without our shine, without our light.


For those who have fallen, either because you took your life away or because someone decided to take your life away from us, we are proud of you and we are proud to live for you. And for those who are struggling, please see the light and let me assure you.... it gets beautifully better!

"There is no light without dark, no happiness without grief, no improvement without error, and no true love without heartbreak. Take every bump in the road as a signal for something greater to come.

- Roy Peng"

I have so much anger, deception, rage and sadness inside.
I can't describe it.
And I surely don't think I'm a bad person or friend.
In fact I consider myself, as a person trying to make things good and being a loyal and real friend.
Friends are a blessing I can say and assure that.
I have friends that are more like family that what my sister is to me.
Friends who I can give everything I do it, but is the way I am.
I like to do it, to be like that and never do it with any other purpose.
But is really hard when a friend can't keep a promise that you know you friend CAN acomplish.
Is fucking hard and painful when you start to not trust your beloved ones anymore.
After all you have gone through years and with the wrong people.
Just when you thought you found your real ones you get dissapointed once more.

I wonder sometimes if this is a curse, or if I have to die and be reborned again.
But really there are sometimes that I can get mad, but something that can really bother me and
forget my inner peace is deception and sadness from dissapointment.

We learn, and the stupid naive person that we used to be in the past will always learn, and will always remember.
You have to remember everything but don't hold resentment you have to forgive.
You have to forgive, but it doesn't mean that you will trust.
You have to be the same good friend, but with limits.
You always learn.

People will make shits in your life, very often or eventually.
And to be honest, I do prefer to know that the one who fucked up a moment in my life was my friend than someone that I don't fucking know.
And is better to fight with your friend than fighting with someone who isn't worth it, eventually you will forgive just if the friendship is that worth it.

Yes, this is only written to let it out.
I need it....... I fucking need it.
Thanks to Anne Frank I understood something that simplified all my life so I can feel relief or just think about things more and make a conclusion for them:

“Paper is more patient than man.”

I guess in this case it would be: "Blogs are more patient than man".

Remember always to breath. 

(Just random writing to feel better) 

Earth Hour / Humanity Hour

"Earth Hour"

I love all the marketing that comes with the "Earth Hour", all the slogans "Remember that you can help the planet just with one hour". It's so shameful knowing that we have got to ONE simple hour of of 8760 hours out of the year. An hour to change the earth, so we can feel better with our shameful reality? Let's stop lying to ourselves. 

I'm environmentalist but I'm also REALISTIC, let's stop playing around and make the people who is dirty and irresponsible during the year to feel good for one simple hour of effort. 

If we want to help the planet and ourselves: we have to stop and start to change bad habits, be more cleaner and more responsables for our actions, THAT my friends will help the planet, not a fucking earth hour.

Remember that the earth has gone through so many things, this hour is for us, the ones who are trying to save from destruction is OURSELVES FROM OURSELVES. Believe me the earth had gone through so many rough times, and humanity is just a phase, this is the " humanity hour" the earth hour? COME ON! After humanity disappears, the earth will evolve and continue it's path, we will no be longer there but we will be gone because of our own fault. 

So let's make sense and let's make a "Humanity Hour" because EARTH doesn't need anything from us, we are the ones depending on EARTH. 

Happy Black Sheep - The Beggining

This is the story of the happy black sheep:  

At the beggining he used to think about nothing, just enjoying being a kid, being a simple student, caring about nothing more than playing, studying and having a nice sleep. The same routine, going to church every tuesday, wednesday, friday and sunday. During the day watching tv, playing with his neighbours, getting dirty in his parent's house, their home, having a talk to them, maybe getting punished and being overprotected most of his childhood, but he still and will always love them, his loving home. 

Then he started to grow up, those feelings started to be unleashed, the part where you start to questioning all, where you try to get answers, the time when you try to understand why you are different. 

That time where you start to wonder if being different is a bless or a curse, where being different means being a freak in a little town, where your hunger for culture and more limits to read literature, old books that are there thanks to your dead grandma that he never knew, thanks to that person who even being dead keeps teaching about life and the world. Then he started to realise that there was something better and bigger out there than a little town called Chalchuapa. 

Then he started wonder if out there, were others thinking the same way he did or probably even more weird than him, the same way the black sheep thought, with that hunger of talking and feeling the same. With the same old closed minded way to think, that way to think where you believe you are a freak, an abomination, a weird person a weird sheep, not just for being gay, also for liking rock, comic books, anime, Anne Rice, Agatha Christie, Andy Warhole, piercings, tattoos, different type of people and... things that nobody in his family knew, until he started to develop that in himself. 

The black sheep in a little town in a christian family. That was his best description, then the black sheep wanted to fly, get out there and know more. Guess what? The sheep had the chance to do it, to know that beautiful piece of paradise in earth called San Francisco. 

The black sheep living in San Francisco, it was like a rainbow growing in his little sad heart.

Good place for a teen age sheep confused and with a conflicted mind? 

OH yes, it was. 

The best place to know that he was fine, that there wasn't nothing wrong with him, that as he was a freak and a weirdo, there were a lot of sheeps like him and proud of it, so the sad negative black sheep turned into a happy black sheep.

Came back to his little town, with a different mind, the black sheep  feeling overwhelmed to see so much people in a town thinking the same odd way, decided to move a the big town called San Salvador, where he knew he will meet more black sheeps, and more colorful sheeps that in the little town....

REUNION

We visit a life we both left behind
Ignore the heart
Move to the ever-moving
Or, blazin', we go over
And over and over and over again

If I wait too long,
I'll lose you from my sight
Maybe tonight
I could stop dreaming
And start believing in forever
And ever and ever and ever again

Reunion, reunion
Reunion, reunion
Never not ever, never not ever again

And it's burning inside 'til you give it up
How long should I wait?
There's no need to hide, from this
Only you in here

There's an end to us with someone else inside
You shine your light
There goes that feeling, won't let me see them
Never not ever, never not ever again

Did I see you, see me, in a new light?
Did I see you, see me, in a new light?
Did I see you, see me, in a new light?
Never not ever again
Did I (Never not ever) see you (Never again)
See me (Never not ever) in a new light? (Never not ever again)
Did I see you, see me?
Never not ever, never not ever again

Lo fácil y lo correcto.

Diariamente, a veces, muchas veces, otras pocas nos encontramos en la situación en la que nos quejamos que algo no esta bien, solamente por el hecho de que es difícil y el hecho de esforzarnos lo hace incorrecto.

Es inicio de año y es tiempo de dejar de poner excusas, de enojarnos por que nos digan nuestras áreas de mejora, porque seamos honestos con nosotros mismos, de aceptar nuestros errores.

Dicen por ahí que toma 21 días formar un hábito, pues yo creo que eso es estúpido. Creo que formar un buen hábito es algo mental y voluntario y automático. Muchas veces me encuentro en ese espacio entre lo fácil y lo correcto diariamente.

Lo fácil es fumar, ser un adicto a la nicotina, desgastar mi salud, y en un par de años desarrollar enfermedades y ya todos sabemos la historia.

Lo fácil es tomar soda, café, refrescos y alcohol en cantidades que nos dañan nuestro organismo.

Lo fácil es ser gordos, es tener sobrepeso, es comer y comer como si no hay mañana, sin pensar en las consecuencias para nuestro organismo y para nuestro futuro.

Lo fácil es ser un pendejo con un poco de paciencia cuando esta sobre mucha presión.

Eso es lo fácil, lo simple, las excusas van de la mano con lo fácil.

Lo difícil no es dejar de fumar, no es dejar de tomar y comer cosas que nos perjudican diariamente, lo difícil no es comer saludable. Lo difícil somos nosotros con nuestra pobre voluntad de no hacer las cosas, lo difícil somos nosotros con nuestra baja autoestima al no creer que tenemos el poder de lograr cosas impensables.

Cada día es mejor levantarse de buen ánimo y pensar que cosas buenas pasarán. Si te das cuenta que para el final del día andas todo amargado, piensa si has dormido bien, puede ser la razón de tu ánimo tan poco amigable. No te descargues con los demás por tus presiones, mejor recuerda que todos tienen una vida y que tienen responsabilidades.

Piensa en lo correcto que será más gratificante al final del día y en tu vida y deja a un lado lo fácil que es el camino de los pobres de voluntad y de autoestima.

Abuso, conformismo y más abuso.

Mientras la población salvadoreña no reaccione todos los abusos por parte de políticos, transportistas y empresarios van a seguir en su rutina con todo la seguridad de hacer lo que quieran sin ningún problema. 
Cada día nos damos cuenta que los más afectados somos el pueblo, todos somos afectados, clase baja, media o alta. 

Con esta crisis del transporte el gobierno podría al fin cambiar y revocar los permisos de circulación. Como salvadoreño al que me descuentan mensualmente de mi salario impuestos, así como ustedes, pago ese subsidio. Estoy pagando un servicio de mala calidad, que daña el medio ambiente con las enormes cantidades de humo que emanan día a día esas unidades, que para este tiempo deberían de ser todas modernas según los acuerdos para que les den el subsidio; estoy pagando maltrato de parte de motoristas y cobradores, estoy pagando accidentes y tragedias viales causadas por la excesiva velocidad e imprudencia de parte de ese sector tan privilegiado como lo son los empresarios corruptos y consentidos del gobierno: Los transportistas.

Estoy de acuerdo en que se hagan licitaciones a empresas FORMALES y NO corruptas como la de muchos transportistas que se atreven a ofender al pueblo, salvadoreños que hacen que su negocio sea rentable. Me duele ver como el pueblo siempre tiene que salir sobrando cuando somos nosotros los que movemos la economía.
Esta situación seguirá igual, ya sea con los políticos corruptos, con los transportistas, o con los empresarios siempre pagando el mínimo y explotando más al pobre. Mientras el pueblo no actué NADA va a cambiar. Lo he dicho y lo repito, es tiempo de dejar de quejarnos y empezar a actuar.

Países desarrollados como España dan el ejemplo cuando millares de habitantes protestan, la primavera árabe que inició en el 2010 y se sigue dando en países en los que la represión están a la orden del día, personas valientes y conscientes de sus derechos han actuado para cambiar su realidad.

Sentados y criticando no vamos a lograr nada. Es tiempo de darle un nuevo sentido a la revolución, creo que seguimos con el concepto que revolución es guerra, revolución es cambiar nuestra realidad, desde nuestras vidas personales hasta la realidad de un país completo sin necesidad de violencia, pero con inteligencia y unidad nacional. Revolución es dejar de cortar árboles y empezar a sembrar árboles, revolución es despertar del letargo y decir NO a los políticos corruptos, decir NO a los abusos por parte de transportistas, decir no y empezar a actuar.