October 15th

I am in the subway. There is a really cool guy drawing next to me. I am in broadway junction, in the "A" train. It is a very weird but good day.

I moved to NYC about two months and a week ago. To be honest I wanted to move for a long time, I was depressed and feeling as if my life was going nowhere. I am here now, maybe is not the best city in the world, but it is a city full of dreamers and fighters and THAT'S the type of city that I need right now.
It is not easy to get out of a depression, sometimes I don't want to even wake up. I try to feel better everyday and I say to myself: "I will be better today, I will have a motive and I will smile and make my dad and mom proud of me and be the better version of me", but then those stupid thoughts kick in...."It is not worth it. Why will you fight if you will die?"
I think about depression like an addiction, you have to fight it everyday. It is a demon living inside you that can break your spirit and leave you laying in your bed for days, for weeks.....
I don't know for how long I have been this way. I think that I have been up and down since the day of my car accident, who knows but me.
I like to make people laugh, I feel certain happiness when I see people laughing. Sometimes I think that I rather to see people doing better and improving their life before me. It is weird. Because most of the people who knows me knows that I have a strong and good attitude. But this that I have inside makes me feel as if I am becoming someone I don't want to.
I am in New York City! The capital of the world and the best city in the world for many. I should be happy just because of this change but I don't feel like that. I do think in the other hand that I am doing way much better than before.
I do believe that this beautiful city will take the best out of me, I do have a good feeling from all this changes.
Changes can be good or bad it depends on the side you see it.
I am riding a train that can take me to the best stage of my life or I can stay here forever sitting and watching how everyone goes down and continue with their lives.  New York has been the thoughest test in my life. Every aspect of my life is changing. People is so different, things are so different, culture is so different. But that "different" is an "amazing" kind of different. I don't want to make fantasy dreams of the outcome of this adventure, I do have goals and I am struggling....but I have a good feeling of all of this. I don't want to feel as If I have achieved something yet or as if I have acomplished something yet, , because I have learned that you cannot define life, because life is like a cloud....it never stops changing, it can become a storm or it can become the most beautiful cloud in the sky.

I missed to write so much.

I am two stops away from my apartment. The train is slightly crowded and the guy who was drawing got off in rockaway boulevard.