I am writing this post at 2:32 am.
I can't sleep.
I am anxious for this day.
This day will mark my life for good or for bad. I am just focusing in the good side.
Four months and 4 days ago I turned 24.
I am going to do a big change in my life today. One of the biggest if not the biggest step in my entire life. I am chasing and fighting for my dreams.
A person without dreams can't be human. What are you without motivation or dreams? Nothing.
I am totally down for this. I can't wait.
Life is too short to focus on things that are not worthy and too beautiful to stop enjoying every second of it!
If you set your goals and your dreams, work fucking hard to get them!
Don't let anybody to stop you from chasing your dreams!
The only responsible for your dreams to come true is YOU AND ONLY YOU!
Use your connections, look for support, fight for your dreams.
You are not a tree, if you want to move.........MOVE.
You are not an object, you are your only owner, if you want to break up .........break it up!
You are worthy, so look at the mirror and if you don't love what you see and if you don't love yourself how in the hell do you expect somebody else to love you fucker?
Stop making up excuses for every great opportunity. Of course you will be afraid of changes, but not taking the risk will be something that you will regret your whole life, and second chances are rare to get!
Invest in you. Believe in you. Have faith in you. Be your religion. Adore yourself. Be true to yourself. Give and take advice. SMILE. And remember...life would be so boring and pointless if everything it's easy. So never, but never think about giving up! Every dream is worth it!
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Nobody tells you.
I guess I will never stop missing.....
I will never stop missing .......you
........your kisses
........your hugs
........your smile
........your voice
........your love.
With time I have understood that I will never stop missing you and that I will never stop loving you.
With time you understand that being in love opens your heart, that you become vulnerable, that you become weak... and that when that person leaves, your heart is wide open. That the person you loved the most can hurt you and that the memories will hunt you forever.
Nobody tells you that It will heart, that the damage they make will hurt forever, but that still you will love them, no matter how much it hurts.
You left me, you disposed me when I was no longer needed.
You went away, and to see you how your new life is so beautiful, without me in it, hurts even more.
That I am no one, that I am just someone you left, that I am disposable and with no meaning for you.
I am tired to cry, to be in pain, to feel broken, but I can't control it.
Nobody will ever tell you what is to be in love with your first love, never.
Most of all, nobody will ever tell you how much it hurts, and if they do, you won't believe them. You will not believe when they tell you that with that person you will feel your heart for the first time.
That when you see that person your heart pumps faster and you feel alive.
That when your heart is broken you literally feel your heart.....in pieces.
That when your hearts rips apart piece by piece, you feel nothing but pain.
Nobody will tell you that when it starts to heal.....
There will be a wound
Then a scar
And that you will always remember why the scar is there, and once you remember....
the memories of the kisses
Of the hugs,
Of their smile
Of their voice will come like a rush to your mind, and than that part of you that is dead will live for a minute so it can die again.
This healing process has been perhaps one of the most challenging things that I have ever gone through.
I try to not to break every day.
And I try
I try
Everyday.
I heard once that it takes the same amount of time that you were with that person to get over them. It doesn't, and if it does, it feels forever.
Sometimes I would like to forget....but then I remember you, and even I know I will feel broken, I like to think of you.
Also nobody tells you that with time, it starts to hurt less and that everyday the memories become your dreams, and that the memories doesn't hunt you and stop chasing you while you are awake, just when you are sleeping.
Nobody tells you that you sometimes feel afraid, that when it starts to hurt less, that probably you will forget, that you feel afraid to forget.
Nobody will ever tell you......an exact definition of what love is.
Nobody ever tells you that love is guilty pleasure.
Because love is/means/hurts/feel different for all.
I will never stop missing .......you
........your kisses
........your hugs
........your smile
........your voice
........your love.
With time I have understood that I will never stop missing you and that I will never stop loving you.
Nobody tells you that It will heart, that the damage they make will hurt forever, but that still you will love them, no matter how much it hurts.
You left me, you disposed me when I was no longer needed.
You went away, and to see you how your new life is so beautiful, without me in it, hurts even more.
That I am no one, that I am just someone you left, that I am disposable and with no meaning for you.
I am tired to cry, to be in pain, to feel broken, but I can't control it.
Nobody will ever tell you what is to be in love with your first love, never.
Most of all, nobody will ever tell you how much it hurts, and if they do, you won't believe them. You will not believe when they tell you that with that person you will feel your heart for the first time.
That when you see that person your heart pumps faster and you feel alive.
That when your heart is broken you literally feel your heart.....in pieces.
That when your hearts rips apart piece by piece, you feel nothing but pain.
Nobody will tell you that when it starts to heal.....
There will be a wound
Then a scar
And that you will always remember why the scar is there, and once you remember....
the memories of the kisses
Of the hugs,
Of their smile
Of their voice will come like a rush to your mind, and than that part of you that is dead will live for a minute so it can die again.
This healing process has been perhaps one of the most challenging things that I have ever gone through.
I try to not to break every day.
And I try
I try
Everyday.
I heard once that it takes the same amount of time that you were with that person to get over them. It doesn't, and if it does, it feels forever.
Sometimes I would like to forget....but then I remember you, and even I know I will feel broken, I like to think of you.
Also nobody tells you that with time, it starts to hurt less and that everyday the memories become your dreams, and that the memories doesn't hunt you and stop chasing you while you are awake, just when you are sleeping.
Nobody tells you that you sometimes feel afraid, that when it starts to hurt less, that probably you will forget, that you feel afraid to forget.
Nobody will ever tell you......an exact definition of what love is.
Nobody ever tells you that love is guilty pleasure.
Because love is/means/hurts/feel different for all.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Let Me Down Gently
Today you started to talk about how people is into you.
How people is "weird" but you don't see the signs.
You told me that I can't stand to talk about it.
I guess that is because I am your ex.
I guess because I still love you.
I guess because you were and still are my first and only love until now.
I guess that because I learned what is to love and fall in love with you.
I guess that maybe is because of that....
I tried to keep strong and then I breathed.
I listened and gave you advice.
I succeed...... for a moment
Then to hear that didn't break me.
But I felt how I started to crack inside.
It hurt again.
I still feel
Not something, but so much for you.
Not less than before.
But now its easier to stop thinking about it and let go.
Let me go gently, because I still feel for you.
I am letting you go.....and I try to ignore that it hurts to do so.
Let me down gently.
Bye, for now.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. - (IDAHO)
Is not about "gay" rights. It is about EQUAL HUMAN rights. All humans deserve to have the opportunity to be miserable or happy in all the world. Nobody deserves to be killed, incarcerated, punished for who they are, for who they love, or for being born in the wrong body. Since we are not GOD we are no one to judge the life from another human being. Nobody wants to be a second class citizen. I pay taxes, I demand the same equal rights.
If you don't understand what is to be discriminated for who you are, to be bullied for who you love or to be pointed with a finger and be called things, if you don't know what is to be called an abomination, to be told that you are wrong and sick, if you haven't tried to commit suicide, if you haven't been treated as if you aren't worth it, if you haven't been denied your rights as a human being, then you have no right to judge the condition of the LGBT population. You have no right to judge because is not easy to deal with HOMOPHOBIC BIGOTED ASSHOLES every day.
If you are one, think that no matter what you do if you are a father/mother that your kid might be LGBT. That your sister/brother/sibling could be lgbt. That someone you love is LGBT. Are you sure you want your loved ones to go through that? Stop HOMOPHOBIA AND TRANSPHOBIA.
International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. - (IDAHO)
If you don't understand what is to be discriminated for who you are, to be bullied for who you love or to be pointed with a finger and be called things, if you don't know what is to be called an abomination, to be told that you are wrong and sick, if you haven't tried to commit suicide, if you haven't been treated as if you aren't worth it, if you haven't been denied your rights as a human being, then you have no right to judge the condition of the LGBT population. You have no right to judge because is not easy to deal with HOMOPHOBIC BIGOTED ASSHOLES every day.
If you are one, think that no matter what you do if you are a father/mother that your kid might be LGBT. That your sister/brother/sibling could be lgbt. That someone you love is LGBT. Are you sure you want your loved ones to go through that? Stop HOMOPHOBIA AND TRANSPHOBIA.
International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. - (IDAHO)
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Xenofobia y Religión. Amor duro de separar.
Pláticaba con un amigo y un creyente religioso. Estabamos revisando unas ofertas en internet y ví una consola de videojuegos y le dije "siempre quise una consola, pero nunca lo tuve porque atrofiaba supuestamente el cerebro, al menos eso me decían". Mi amigo me dijo: "Sí, así como los smartphones, el internet, los libros mundanos y las computadoras atrofían el cerebro". A lo que yo le respondí: "Tenes razón, así como la biblia atrofía cerebros tambien" , "Entonces" respondío: "Estas sugeriendo que la palabra de Dios es algo que atrofía cerebros, es como que digas que Dios es algo malo", "NO", respondí "Dios no tiene nada malo, ni la biblia, ni las consolas de juegos, ni los smartphones, ni el internet, mi punto es que todos los extremos son malos, usted sabe que mucha gente ha tomado a mal la palabra de Dios para poder juzgar y atormentar las vidas de otras personas, o para hacer dinero de la palabra de Dios, estoy muy seguro que Dios no quiere eso". "Tenes razón, los extremos son malos, pensé que te referías a Dios"...."NO, Dios esta bien, los extremos estan mal y algunos de sus seguidores extremistas e intolerantes, nada más".
Muchos seres humanos creemos que tenemos una mentalidad abierta a diferentes y nuevos puntos de vista, pero en realidad cuando nuestros principios son cuestionados reaccionamos como si estuvieran violentando nuestra vida. Nuestros principios son intolerantes y cerrados. ¿Reaccionamos así porque nuestros principios y todo en lo que creemos podría ser destruido de un momento a otro? Todos tenemos y tememos a que todo cambie, más cuando alguien nos refuta y nos hace ver que estamos equivocados y que lo que creemos no existe.
Algo con lo que los creyentes y los no-creyentes se confrontan es ¿Dios existe? Podes creer en Dios y dejar de creer en el con los argumentos que sean correctos, pero en realidad cada quien adecua la verdad que se le es mostrada a su conveniencia. Fuí criado en un hogar en lo que Dios es todo, lo primero en las vidas antes que tu familia, antes que tus deseos, antes que todo es Dios. Al mismo tiempo fuí criado con muchas posibilidades de pensamiento, se me inculcó la lectura, aprender acerca de los países más desarrollados que estaban fuera, de las líneas de pensamiento que no eran como la mia. Directamente e indirectamente abrí mi mente al mundo. Fue dificil el proceso de aceptamiento que mi familia tuvo, de toda la familia extensa, yo me independice, yo fuí el primero que dejo de seguir la religión que se me había inculcado, hasta ahorita nadie de mi familia extensa o cercana me trata de inducir de nuevo a la iglesia, porque saben que tengo muchos argumentos y que no regresaré a ser parte de una institución que promueve la intolerancia, la discriminación, el machismo y la discriminación. Muchas personas son fieles creyentes de la biblia, tienen "FE" creen y se aferran a algo que no se ve. Mientras son fieles adoradores de la biblia olvidan las palabras de sus lideres en el pasado y se convierten en extremistas intolerantes que reaccionan ferozmente a lo que sus mentes no entienden. Lo desconocido les causa miedo, indignación, intolerancia, rechazo y odio en muchas ocasiones.
En muchos países desarrollados la población no se identifica con ninguna religión, o con Dios. Eso no significa que estas personas no tengan principios morales. La moralidad esta asociada con la religión por los mismos religiosos, por la iglesia católica en sus inicios y ahora por las dos la católica y la protestante. En los países desarrolados se ha dado un fenomeno, en que la gente prefiere aprender, entender, estudiar y si aún así no entienden.....aprenden a tolerar y aceptar que no todas las personas piensan igual, y que no todos queremos lo mismo.
La intolerancia a las cosas que no entendemos tiene que dejar de ser un tema de debate en las leyes de nuestro país y de los países del mundo. "Dad al Cesar lo que es del Cesar, dad a Dios lo que es de Dios" . Jesús lo supo y lo enseño, si Jesus entendió esto y supo que el estado es una entidad completamente desligada a la iglesia ¿Por qué sus seguidores no lo entienden?
Solo tuve una pequeña catarsis acerca de los religiosos, sus extremos y su fobia a lo desconocido.
Muchos seres humanos creemos que tenemos una mentalidad abierta a diferentes y nuevos puntos de vista, pero en realidad cuando nuestros principios son cuestionados reaccionamos como si estuvieran violentando nuestra vida. Nuestros principios son intolerantes y cerrados. ¿Reaccionamos así porque nuestros principios y todo en lo que creemos podría ser destruido de un momento a otro? Todos tenemos y tememos a que todo cambie, más cuando alguien nos refuta y nos hace ver que estamos equivocados y que lo que creemos no existe.
Algo con lo que los creyentes y los no-creyentes se confrontan es ¿Dios existe? Podes creer en Dios y dejar de creer en el con los argumentos que sean correctos, pero en realidad cada quien adecua la verdad que se le es mostrada a su conveniencia. Fuí criado en un hogar en lo que Dios es todo, lo primero en las vidas antes que tu familia, antes que tus deseos, antes que todo es Dios. Al mismo tiempo fuí criado con muchas posibilidades de pensamiento, se me inculcó la lectura, aprender acerca de los países más desarrollados que estaban fuera, de las líneas de pensamiento que no eran como la mia. Directamente e indirectamente abrí mi mente al mundo. Fue dificil el proceso de aceptamiento que mi familia tuvo, de toda la familia extensa, yo me independice, yo fuí el primero que dejo de seguir la religión que se me había inculcado, hasta ahorita nadie de mi familia extensa o cercana me trata de inducir de nuevo a la iglesia, porque saben que tengo muchos argumentos y que no regresaré a ser parte de una institución que promueve la intolerancia, la discriminación, el machismo y la discriminación. Muchas personas son fieles creyentes de la biblia, tienen "FE" creen y se aferran a algo que no se ve. Mientras son fieles adoradores de la biblia olvidan las palabras de sus lideres en el pasado y se convierten en extremistas intolerantes que reaccionan ferozmente a lo que sus mentes no entienden. Lo desconocido les causa miedo, indignación, intolerancia, rechazo y odio en muchas ocasiones.
En muchos países desarrollados la población no se identifica con ninguna religión, o con Dios. Eso no significa que estas personas no tengan principios morales. La moralidad esta asociada con la religión por los mismos religiosos, por la iglesia católica en sus inicios y ahora por las dos la católica y la protestante. En los países desarrolados se ha dado un fenomeno, en que la gente prefiere aprender, entender, estudiar y si aún así no entienden.....aprenden a tolerar y aceptar que no todas las personas piensan igual, y que no todos queremos lo mismo.
La intolerancia a las cosas que no entendemos tiene que dejar de ser un tema de debate en las leyes de nuestro país y de los países del mundo. "Dad al Cesar lo que es del Cesar, dad a Dios lo que es de Dios" . Jesús lo supo y lo enseño, si Jesus entendió esto y supo que el estado es una entidad completamente desligada a la iglesia ¿Por qué sus seguidores no lo entienden?
Solo tuve una pequeña catarsis acerca de los religiosos, sus extremos y su fobia a lo desconocido.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Selfish vs Selfless
Being a selfish person is one of the worst characteristics a human being can have, being proud of being selfish is disgusting. Is like being proud of being a murderer, only on type of person can feel that way and it is a psycopath/psociopath.
I have met some selfish people, some of them I once called my friends, one of them is my sister, one of them was me.
This type of people only cares about how they feel, the goals that they need to reach no matter how nor matter what they will do, they don't care about advise, they close their minds to feedback and they are willing to hurt people, to treat them as nothing, even knowing what they are doing, they don't care because of the sanity of their egos, blaming the person that cares for them, always being saints, never being wrong, never making mistakes.
This people that thinks they have conquered everything or that will conquer their goals, by hurting someone else. I have been like that before, I hate the person I used to be. I damaged so many people, and I can't undo what I have done. I can see how much damage I did to my people who loves me and how their wounds still hurt when they remember the past, what I did to them.
I went through a self-destruction stage in my life. My selfish and destructive being died when I had a car accident. Then I wasted 2 years of my life figuring out who I really was, who I really am, if I needed those people with me or if I was the bad in my life. Guess what did I find out? I was my own problem, my demon, my weapon and my target.
I learned to smile again, and to see how people's happiness in simple things made them happy, made me happy too. I learned to share, to see, to learn, to absorb and to reject. I learned to found me, who I really am. I am not the same who I find out I was. We constantly change, we always evolve to become the best or in the worst version of our yesterday.
You learn that material things will be there, but is not the material what makes you happy. Of course you need shoes, food, coffee (my only addiction haha)......but you also need love, you need peace, friends, your family, you need you to be yourself. I can remember how I used to feel, so full of rage, hate, how selfish I was, believing that I was all I needed to conquer everything......I was a fool and a really asshole.
Sometimes you can hear "Be selfish with yourself". Sometimes I think that what they try to tell you is "Focus on yourself" and that doesn't mean to be selfish, being selfish brings a lot of negative feelings to your life. Learning how not to depend on hate, rage & egoism, so you can feel powerful is what is most challenging. Why? Because that means that you have to discover yourself and to find out what truly motivates you, what brings you happiness, what can give you pure strength without depending on rage.
Being selfless brings happiness, you can be happy by helping others and caring about the ones you love, you have to care and love yourself that doesn't mean you are selfish. We live in a world full of wonders, and keeping emotions and things to "ourselves" is just a fantasy that only people in denial can think of. At certain point or another you will need the help of a human being or mother nature to achieve your goals, and to reach happiness.
Egoism only brings destruction from your feelings to your world. People gets tired of dealing with your shitty attitude towards life, towards love, family and friends. Your beloved ones can survive without someone who is selfish, self-destructive, who is harmful for others.
Can you survive with yourself being that disgusting, self-indulgent and hideous being you are? Not for long.
I have met some selfish people, some of them I once called my friends, one of them is my sister, one of them was me.
This people that thinks they have conquered everything or that will conquer their goals, by hurting someone else. I have been like that before, I hate the person I used to be. I damaged so many people, and I can't undo what I have done. I can see how much damage I did to my people who loves me and how their wounds still hurt when they remember the past, what I did to them.
I went through a self-destruction stage in my life. My selfish and destructive being died when I had a car accident. Then I wasted 2 years of my life figuring out who I really was, who I really am, if I needed those people with me or if I was the bad in my life. Guess what did I find out? I was my own problem, my demon, my weapon and my target.
I learned to smile again, and to see how people's happiness in simple things made them happy, made me happy too. I learned to share, to see, to learn, to absorb and to reject. I learned to found me, who I really am. I am not the same who I find out I was. We constantly change, we always evolve to become the best or in the worst version of our yesterday.
You learn that material things will be there, but is not the material what makes you happy. Of course you need shoes, food, coffee (my only addiction haha)......but you also need love, you need peace, friends, your family, you need you to be yourself. I can remember how I used to feel, so full of rage, hate, how selfish I was, believing that I was all I needed to conquer everything......I was a fool and a really asshole.
Sometimes you can hear "Be selfish with yourself". Sometimes I think that what they try to tell you is "Focus on yourself" and that doesn't mean to be selfish, being selfish brings a lot of negative feelings to your life. Learning how not to depend on hate, rage & egoism, so you can feel powerful is what is most challenging. Why? Because that means that you have to discover yourself and to find out what truly motivates you, what brings you happiness, what can give you pure strength without depending on rage.
Being selfless brings happiness, you can be happy by helping others and caring about the ones you love, you have to care and love yourself that doesn't mean you are selfish. We live in a world full of wonders, and keeping emotions and things to "ourselves" is just a fantasy that only people in denial can think of. At certain point or another you will need the help of a human being or mother nature to achieve your goals, and to reach happiness.
Egoism only brings destruction from your feelings to your world. People gets tired of dealing with your shitty attitude towards life, towards love, family and friends. Your beloved ones can survive without someone who is selfish, self-destructive, who is harmful for others.
Can you survive with yourself being that disgusting, self-indulgent and hideous being you are? Not for long.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Rage feeling.
What you do to me is not fair.
The way you treat me, like if I am no one.
Like if I gave you a decease instead of love.
The way you think I will be there only when you need me.
I don't want to be treated this way.
Is not the distance, is you.
And if you ever expect me to be the same and forget this.
You are wrong, because you have hurt me and you keep treating me like shit.
If you think that we will ever be the same or good, you are wrong.
This, us........I don't know if there will ever be an us again.
Because if distance put us away, your attitude towards me is what ended this.
Probably you are not thinking what you are doing.
I understand that she hurt you and she brainwashed you and took you for granted.
She hurt you.
But I don't deserved this
I don't deserve and I don't need you to hurt me.
And you are shitting the cards you have with me.
I hope you realize of what you have done and what you keep doing
Because I still love you, but you are losing me.
You are taking this to the limits and you don't have the right to treat anyone this way.
All that we were, that we are, all that we might be, is in our hands, not only yours.
I do recommend you to think better and to think more than once your words and attitudes toward those who you love.
Because I am getting tired of you.
And by saying this I mean that If we ever meet again in the same city, I might not want to know anything about you anymore.
The way you treat me, like if I am no one.
Like if I gave you a decease instead of love.
The way you think I will be there only when you need me.
I don't want to be treated this way.
Is not the distance, is you.
And if you ever expect me to be the same and forget this.
You are wrong, because you have hurt me and you keep treating me like shit.
If you think that we will ever be the same or good, you are wrong.
This, us........I don't know if there will ever be an us again.
Because if distance put us away, your attitude towards me is what ended this.
Probably you are not thinking what you are doing.
I understand that she hurt you and she brainwashed you and took you for granted.
She hurt you.
But I don't deserved this
I don't deserve and I don't need you to hurt me.
And you are shitting the cards you have with me.
I hope you realize of what you have done and what you keep doing
Because I still love you, but you are losing me.
You are taking this to the limits and you don't have the right to treat anyone this way.
All that we were, that we are, all that we might be, is in our hands, not only yours.
I do recommend you to think better and to think more than once your words and attitudes toward those who you love.
Because I am getting tired of you.
And by saying this I mean that If we ever meet again in the same city, I might not want to know anything about you anymore.
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