Religión e Hipocresía solo un pensamiento

Si los religiosos (Sean cristianos, musulmanes, judios, etc...) están en contra de los piercings (aritos), tatuajes, cirugías plásticas, etc.... porque nuestro cuerpo es templo y morada del espíritu santo y es propiedad de Dios no de nosotros. 
No deberían de haber religiosos con obesidad mórbida o sobrepeso, porque eso es abusar de su cuerpo e irrespetar el templo de Dios.
No deberían de haber religiosos con el pelo pintado porque están faltando el respeto al templo y morada del Señor. 
No deberían de utilizar aritos las mujeres porque es una falta de respeto a Dios, y tienen que olvidarse que es un aspecto cultural el que las mujeres usen aritos.
Y con la moral que predican los religiosos. No deberían de ser hipócritas, ni hacer juicios de nadie.

Pero claro los religiosos están tan afanados de juzgar a todos para sentirse superiores, porque sus libros religiosos les dice que son el cuerpo de Dios, que son la iglesia, que son los elegidos. Ellos creen en la superioridad como si fueran mejores seres humanos y olvidan que sus religiones han causado millones de muertes en la historia y siguen causando muerte en todo el mundo.

Los religiosos mandan al infierno al que no crea en sus convicciones. Lo que significa que los no seguidores de sus religiones nos iremos directo al infierno aunque nuestra vida haya sido de bien, aunque no juzguemos el estilo de vida ni las decisiones de los demás (Algo que ellos hacen con mucho esmero)

Choose Love.

I woke up in the hospital, not knowing what happened. I saw my arm and I had a needle in it. I stood up and asked to the nurse where am I, and what happened to me.... I can't remember a thing. Then she told me: "You were assaulted, the witness says that it was a hate crime" ..... "....a hate crime"

My head started to spin, trying to remember a thing but I can't.
"I can't remember, I don't know what happened yesterday, I just remember being in a place and then nothing, why I can't remember?"
"You have a concussion, probably they hit you in the head and you lost consciousness, the witness says that you were in the floor and someone called you 'faggot'...... and  then they ran"
"Faggot...... a hate crime? I, I don't know what to think, I don't know ...."
"The social worker will be with you in a moment"

I just wanted to get out of the hospital, to know what happened, or to rewind time and not to know a thing, I can't remember a thing, my clothes a ripped because I went to the emergency room, my clothes are torn, they gave me new clothes to go home and a metro card since my wallet was stolen. I feel powerless, I don't know what to do, my head keep spinning while the social worker ask me questions.

I got home, I sleep, and spent the next week sleeping and waking up just to eat something, get a shower and go back to sleep, I didn't feel alive, it was like if I was dead. My brain and my soul were disconnected, my heart was not there.
By the third day I started to wonder if that is what all the victims of assault feel, but what about being different, what about being afraid about who I AM. I never thought about that before.

I have hidden myself before, I have felt ashamed of me and my feelings, I have attempted suicide, I have been depressed and maybe I am a depressive person, I have overcome so many things to let this to defeat me. There was something weird  going on inside me.

I spoke to a few friends and they told me a few things about me that I forgot: I am strong and a fighter.
I started to wonder if this is what hate crimes victims feel, afraid to even go out to the grocery store because you feel like if you can't trust no one, not even yourself.
I started to realize that so many times I have read news about hate crimes through history and through humanity. Then I realize how blessed and lucky I am to still be alive just with some injuries and some new insecurities.

I am overcoming this. The truth is that I have been learning and learning lessons through life the hard way, or maybe there is no hard way or easy way, there are just ways to learn from life, and every different way ......HURTS. Because pain and reaching bottom makes us stronger, because life gets better, but it doesn't mean that it will become easier. Either you believe in a God, Goddess, or whatever there is a way life works, it will prove you everyday if you deserve to live it, some of us have the opportunity to continue, and keep fighting. With the assault I realize that humanity is such a weak race and so ignorant, we are afraid of the unknown and we learn that hate is easier than love, because living with love means forgiveness and a life of new opportunities, while a life full of hate is about revenge, about keeping those bad feelings and never getting over, about being defensive and offensive because we think that everything and everyone in life is against us when we are the only enemy we have.

I started to feel hate, I was eating my emotions and hiding them, not allowing myself to cry or to forgive myself about what happened. I started to blame myself for playing and jeopardizing my own life and it was awful. I am not a hater, I can't hate, I have learned to forgive, because the first person I forgave was myself, and I know I will do mistakes and I have to forgive myself about my mistakes to get up and continuing my fight, but If I can't forgive myself how can I live a life full of happiness, leanings and love?

There is hate everywhere, and sometimes it seems that hate is more powerful than love, but it isn't. Hate is destruction, is self-destruction, is negative, is sadness, is the easy way to go.
Love is life, growing, is positive, is happiness, is the hard way to go.

Life is full of challenges. Life is full of pain. Life is full of beauty.

No, you and I were not able to choose if we wanted to be born or not. But we were born and we are here, we are alive, we are full of life. There is not absolute true about another life, but what I know is that I am alive, and that THIS is the life that I got and I will do my best to live it to its fullest, because If I don't have another chance to live again, I will make my best in this life and if I have another life I will live it to the fullest as well.
I know that life and the universe work in ways that we simple humans will never be able to understand, but one thing I do know is that if you give love to life and the universe they will grant you love back. If you give hate to the universe and life,  you will be granted hate and destruction, and maybe you will be granted light so you can see there is other way to do things, or you will stay ignorant.

Knowledge opens your mind, an open mind learns how to be tolerant because you learn there is not ONE way, you learn that the universe is full of opportunities, that life is full of new beginnings, that the universe is complex and you are part of something so beautiful as it is life and this universe, you are not granted with full knowledge of everything because you have to learn how life is; is your decision to be happy and to fight for your dreams and to learn more and more, and to realize that the more you learn about life .....the less you know about it and you become humble to know that you have the chance to make of this the best or the worst, that is in your hands to smile and live and keep walking or to hate, remain the same mediocre person everyday of your life and to be miserable.

Ignorance takes you to hate, ignorance makes you afraid of what you don't understand, makes you angry and defensive. Ignorance put barriers in your heart and mind, makes your life full of revenge, hate and anger. Anger that you feel against everyone else but that actually is you hating yourself  because you don't allow yourself to keep moving on, you don't allow forgiveness and you start to destroy yourself and to think that there is only one way, you start to see just grey because for you a rainbow is a privilege for everyone else but not for you, because your limited mind keeps you thinking that the world is your enemy, when you are the only one against yourself.


I knew six months ago that a new start wasn't going to be easy at all. I never thought that it would be this hard, but then I see my old me, the person I was six months ago, and I know that it has been a really tough way but I don't regret anything, I am happy where I am and the person I am becoming. I have forgiven to the person or people who attacked me, I feel sad for them because they are afraid of knowledge, they are afraid to open their minds to knowledge and I don't know anything about them but I feel bad about them, having to attack someone to feel better about themselves and powerful, is a shame. I know that all this challenges I am having are for my own good, but it doesn't mean that I have to gamble my life and risking my life for the freedom that I never had before. I learned my lesson.

We are surrounded of hate, there are many ways not only one. We are surrounded of people choosing the easy way and giving up too soon without even giving a fight. And I know that I could sound too Coelho but you know how it is, you know what is like to smile from within, you know what is to know that everything will be alright even without knowing the outcome.

I have chosen love and light, because I think that humanity is beautiful, I think that we all have the potential to make a better world, and if we all respect one another and embrace knowledge instead of ignorance the universe would give us so many good things back. I share this because I am not afraid, because I want you to know that you are not alone in this fight, that we are all humans and sometimes we might feel defeated, but if you realize the power you have, you will realize that you are not defeated, that you just stumbled and that you can keep walking and that falling and stumbling is OK, because it is a long road and you can smile after you get up!

I am feeling better, I have chosen to smile and I have chosen love, because I believe in me and I want better! Living a life with love is better, because you will reach your true potencial.

Suddenly I cry.

I haven't feel the need to cry since I got to the apartment on monday afternoon. I went straight to bed, and then I woke up late to try to eat something but my face hurted, so I ate a little bit, I drank a few pain relievers and went to sleep again.

Today I was talking to my mom, she lives in "the most dangerous country" in the world, which if you see the date and the year and google it you will find out which one is it.
I missed her so much, I missed my dad so much today, I missed my Dolly.
I miss my room and my comfort zone. I miss them so much today, and then the thought that I don't remember anything from the incident but still have the bruises makes me feel powerless.

And suddenly I started to cry, but I held myself.

I am trying to tell myself that everything will be better, but I don't know if it will.
Tomorrow I have to go to the police station and file a report, and I am scared of doing so.
I have to go to the bank and get a new card, and then a new phone, and I am afraid.
I don't know if I am afraid just now or if I feel insecure, I don't know exactly what I feel.

But now, for now I wish I could have someone to hug me, or to hug and cry, and cry without shame.

I wish I could rewind this days and go back and not going out on sunday.
Because right now, I don't know nothing......and I am crying.

Assault

I am afraid. Because I know my problem. I know what have been causing me this, and your own demons are the worst to defeat. I want my soul to feel complete, I want my spirit to feel in peace, all I feel is darkness, and sickness, because I know how to fix this. But making a change is hard, because some bad habits are hard to kill and quit. Thanks Life I still have conciousness and moral (Which is relative) but I guess I feel like this because I know what is the best for me, and I know this is not good. Yes, I am writing this to vent, and so you know how miserable I am feeling, because I am feeling conflicted. 

I feel responsible for what happen. I just remember that I went out to have some drinks to Chelsea and I was having fun, then a guy that I meet told me to go to dance, so we went to hell's kitchen, we went to two clubs, the first one was not funny so we went to this other one where we were dancing until 3 maybe?

I just remember that I was walking down to the subway and I wanted to eat some food, so I steped into a restaurant, and a guy started to talk to me and he invited me to his table with his friend and his girlfriend, to what I say Yes. 

I remember we started to talk and were having an nice talk. Then the guy's friend started me to ask me is I was gay to which I responded YES, and he said, wow, you definitely don't look like one. And his friend (The one who invited me to sit with them) asked me "DO I look gay to you?" To which I responded "You just look like a regular man, I don't know if you are or not, taht is not the reason why I talked to you" to what he responded, "well you certainly kept talking to me because you are gay and thought that I was" to what his friend said "Dude, chill out, we are the one who are talking about this not him, why are you reacting liket that?" to what his girlfriend said: "Well, it is very obvious that our friend is gay and feels intimidated by someone who is secure of himself" so they guy yelled at me and asked me to move so I stand up, and paid my bill, when I was paying my bill the waitress told me, "Don't feel bad" to which I responded "I am not feeling bad" but when I was signing my ticket, the guy approached to me and grabbed me from my neck and last thing I remember is that I was being thrown to the sidewalk somewhere in hell's kitchen.

I woke up next morning by 10:00 am in Bellevue Hospital, in the emergency room, wondering what happened, and then they explained that I was found bleeding in the side walk, unconcious and without my wallet and my phone was smashed. They say I was barely responding when the paramedics rescued me.

The social worker from the hospital told me to file a police report as soon I was out of the hospital, but a blizzard was starting and I decided to go home, I came home and have been in bed for the last two days. The social worker told me that I had been a hate crime victim, because the girl from the restaurant told the paramedics that the guy kick you while you were unconcious and yelled at you "fag, stupid fag" and then they leaved.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what or how to feel. 

I feel guilty until some point I guess I was, but I am feeling sick and bad about me. 

.

Challenge after challenge

One of the biggest lessons that I learned from 2014 was to never give anything for granted. Sometimes the things you are most comfortable with are the ones that goes away from life first.

Thigs that you think are yours and will be there all of the time are the things that you have to appreciate but that you to learn how to no get them for granted. For nothing is granted in life because things are borrowed to us in life so we can appreciate and change what is around us and so we can help our own little world become a better place.

People thinks that things are granted to them because of their social status or because of how much money you have. Things can be taken away or can get away from those who think are saved from the other and their bad luck.

I have learned to appreciate what I have, what I win, what I earn and it might be dumb but I also appreciate what I lose. Nothing will remain with you forever....first you won't last forever and your material things might go underground or might be burned with you but they will not feed your soul only the soil.

That is why you have to do your best at every situation and opportunity that life borrows you, because that could have been given to someone .... else, someone who might appreciate that opportunity more of what you will ever do.

I am in the subway. A guys just drop dead on the floor and I bet he didn't see that coming. From where I come you might get killed in the public transportation and als  drop dead and its so common that nobody even reacts. To see a life fading away from someone is shocking and at the same time at least to me... motivating because It reminds me that I am alive , and even life might be so hard sometimes.. . I AM STILL HERE.....LIVING. 

Regards,

Mario

Happy New Year.

Being transgender is ok, being gay is ok, being lesbian is ok too. Being different is ok. You know what IT is NOT ok? Being full of hate. It isn't right to believe that you are God and that you can judge others. It isn't ok to call yourself a christian when you don't follow Jesus steps, or did you forget that one of Jesus friends was a prostitute?

I believe in science, I also believe in God. I want to leave my statement very clear. I am almost 25 years old, I have meet many people, from diferent countries, different families, different religions and different beliefs. I want you to be aware that I do respect your point of view, as long as your point of view is not full of hate and full of intolerance.

 I do think that the books that you read and believe in such as the Bible, Coran, Tora, etc are good and you have the right to faithfully believe in them, but  thinking that your beliefs are alright doesn't mean you are better than anyone. I do not believe that millions of people who never heard about Jesus will go to hell just because they never did.

I do not believe that God wants millions to be dying because they starve because they do not have enough resources to live and enjoy life, I believe that humankind is bad and allow those things, not God.

I was raised to think, to differenciate and analyze from what is Good and it isn't. I go to church sometimes because I like the community, it doesn't mean that I agree with everything you preach or what the bible says.
I do not believe anyone is less or more than me, therefore I do believe that woman is equal as man.

I do not believe God is a MAN just because the bible say so, God is gender neutral and I do believe that MAN itself started to call God a FATHER because of MALE superiority.

I am just writing some of my ideas to you, giving the fact that you share and post so eloquently your thoughts, I do so too. That I think like this doesn't mean I AM BAD, YOU JUDGING THE WAY I THINK MAKES YOU WRONG.

Happy New Year folks!

May God and the Universe be always in our favor.

Damage

I cut you off from my life about 3 weeks ago. And let me tell you I have been feeling so much better since I did it.

I really hope this it my last post about you.

There are so many things that happened, many promises that were broken.

Many love games and many manipulations from both.

We both love each other. I know you loved me, I know you still do.

I know you do because the way you showed me you cared and that you showed me your love was the worst.

You knew that my heart had never been so vulnerable and open to love someone; until you came.
You knew that you were the first person that I truly loved.
You knew that when you told me you were leaving to another country thousand of miles away I broke.
That my heart shattered to pieces.
That day by day the wound started to open more and more and that the pain started to grow.
I spend so many days feeliing how my inside was broken, how my heart was pieces, how I thought of you and loved you.

The one who stays is the one who suffers the most. Lesson learned.

I thought that we could be friends, instead you manipulated my feelings to see how you could affect me.

You played with me and part of me knew what you were doing.
Because I thought that one day........it could be "We" again.

I was wrong.

The truth is that you hurted me. I am damaged.

I had never felt so vulnerable and broken in my entire life. I have never been so affected by someone in my life. I had never felt so bad, so sad, so unconfident, so useless, so broken.

I feel so much rage towards you now...... because of what you did to me, because you did it knowing that I loved you, but you did it because you are bad, because you are damaged too, but being damaged doesn't give you power over someone else, being damaged doesn't mean you will do what they did to you to another person.

Every negative aspect of me came out to light because of you. I have never faked a smile or a positive attitude so many times and for so long. Lying to myself that everything was going to be ok when it wasn't.
I became self destructive, someone that didn't care for himself. My self-estime was gone. My own perception was damaged. I felt as the ugliest person, as if I wasn't worth it. The worst part is that I think that you did that to me to know that as long as you were feeling like shit, that as long as you were in pain, as long as you were not doing perfect you didn't want me to be happy. And that...... is just fucked up.

I just want to tell you that the day that you told me what you did...... that day you did it for the last time. But this time It was different, I was getting stronger, I wasn't the same weak person that I was a couple of months ago. I moved to another country, I have meet new people, new friends, people who appreciate who I am and who remind me of the beautiful being I am. I saw how old friends showed me love because I am a good person. I didn't feel as a good person, you made me forget many good aspects about me and I hate you so much because of that. I forgot that I am powerful. I forgot that I was beautiful. I had stopped believing in me. I stopped doing it (believing) and also I forgot so many things about me that now  is hard to acknowledge but I am starting to do it again. Now more than ever I appreciate every aspect of everything.

It is stupid when someone tells me .... "you are handsome" and I don't believe it, because you made me feel as an ugly person, I forgot I was attractive! I stopped knowing that about me.

It is stupid when people that I just met, tells me how nice and interesting I am, and how stupid it is because I don't know that about myself anymore. I stopped knowing it!

It is a daily struggle, I fight everyday against my insecurities and against my thoughts, against this thoughts I have in my head about me that I am certainly not.

I am damaged. I know it now.

I am trying to remember everyday who I am. How blessed I am and that I am worth it and that I am good, that I am not bad.

Now I appreciate more than ever who I am, and I am embracing every aspect of me and life the best way possible and I am loving the person I am becoming.

I do not thank you, because it has been a very painful process, and I am getting out of this alone and on my own.

I do want to tell you that I do not wish you anything.

I do want to tell you that I hope I know anything about you never again in my life.

I do want you to know that I don't hate you, but that I have learned and that you are not welcomed in my life.

I do want to tell you that you are a bad person and that in order to grow, you have to accept that you are broken, that you are damaged, because the longer that you hold this process, the more it will hurt you, and when you accept this fact about yourself, I hope you come out of it, but I hope you feel pain, I hope it hurts and that you break.

And the last thing is ........ I don't love you anymore, I just had it with you. I am so eager to close this chapter of my life where you are, I want you to be history and past. You are past, that is where you belong, I want you far from my present and from my future.

This is my last letter to you. I will keep thinking and fighting all this insecurities, but I will not longer think about you or us.

If I could I would love to forget you exist, but I can't, you will always be there even if you die, but I will see you as a ghost.......because you are not longer part of my reality, you are just a shadow.

Fuck you.

Regards,

Mario.