Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
A conversation with myself
How do you know?
I know I can sound like a stupid romantic person, but how do you know who is the right person to know.
The process of dating involves time, patience, thoughts, feelings...how do you know, who is the correct person to invest all of those things....by dating a lot? Because if it is like that....I think that there are a lot of persons like me....
Me? How?
People that used to believe in love (And we keep believing but...), people that every day is less naive and less warm....that realice that knowing someone new is not the same that before, that knowing someone is just something......
(Quote that comes to my mind while I´m thinking what to write)
I think therefore I´m Single.
Next thought:
We have a little world, billions of humans, and no real love for one...
Is real love possible ? Or you just get in love and then you get used to that person, and then that feeling slowly dies and then you just don´t feel anything anymore......until you meet someone new.
Is that the cycle?
Which is the right place to know someone? A bar? The Club? At work? Really? Is so complicated....is just weird. And everytime is even more weird and awkward
I like to work, and I know how to do it and how to talk about it; but when love comes to the conversation is something that I really have not experienced yet (Of course you know which type of love I´m talking about)
When someone ask me:
What is love for you? Have you been inlove before? Are you inlove now?
My mind turns black......and I have no answer. That field in my life is empty. Is not written.
Relationships? Two
The longest one? 3 months
Why? Just did not work and did not worth it
Are you ready for a relationship? Well, How do you really know when you are ready?
Do you want just to know somebody or to have a real boyfriend? I have to know and then we can see...
Do you see yourself in a relationship? (This answer terrifies me) No, at least not for now.
Why? I want other things first.
But why? I do not want to invest time in somebody else when I have not finished what I want.
Can´t you have both things at the same time? I guess I could, but now I am not mature enough for having a relationship, having a job, my university, my family, my friends, my time.
Your time? Yes, my time.
What do you mean with "Your Time"?
My time is when I want to be just with My mind, my soul and my body.
What about sleeping with someone you could love?
I know it feels good, I know is something I enjoy. I have done that but just for the simple pleasure of feeling that and probably I enjoyed that person, but then the feeling becomes an empty feeling, the sensation goes away from me and I feel dirty. I can have sex and that is fine, but sleeping with someone .....is weird now. Sleeping with someone I could love, probably yes, but how do I know I will love that person? So if you don´t know, you are just simply sleeping with someone and that´s it. And sleeping with someone is really easy, you just have to like somebody and then you have sex and then you fall asleep....it might sound raw but that is what happens, and in my case that makes me feel dirty, empty, disgusted. I think I could avoid that feeling just having sex and then say goodbye. But that is not me, See? How everything turns complicated?
From a simple question.....to a complicated answer. But I guess I want a real process before sleeping with someone I could love.
What do you mean by real process?
Having a first date! Having a second date! Having a third date! Having a fourth date and so on! And then just keep dating and make love and learn about the other person, falling in love you know?
Meet that person, enjoy the talk, love the conversation, see the shine in his eyes, see how passionate can be the first conversation, feeling that possible conexion.....if you do not feel that, you can avoid all the real process and just have sex if both want that.
Do you want to be loved?
I think I do. But I am not like before, I do not trust anyone now. But the answer would be Yes.
How do you think that you will know that you just meet the person for having a " real process"?
I don´t really know. But I think that when that moment comes I will definitely know it. I think that the Universe, my soul, my mind and my body will let me know. Just as when you know you need water, I think I will know that I will need that person for real, not just like a soda, not like juice....need it as water, stupid but you got the idea, right?
So that is the way I think.......God I´m weird.
A conversation with myself. Too many ideas now, So my next entry will be soon......
.........I guess I just don´t know.
I know I can sound like a stupid romantic person, but how do you know who is the right person to know.
The process of dating involves time, patience, thoughts, feelings...how do you know, who is the correct person to invest all of those things....by dating a lot? Because if it is like that....I think that there are a lot of persons like me....
Me? How?
People that used to believe in love (And we keep believing but...), people that every day is less naive and less warm....that realice that knowing someone new is not the same that before, that knowing someone is just something......
(Quote that comes to my mind while I´m thinking what to write)
I think therefore I´m Single.
Next thought:
We have a little world, billions of humans, and no real love for one...
Is real love possible ? Or you just get in love and then you get used to that person, and then that feeling slowly dies and then you just don´t feel anything anymore......until you meet someone new.
Is that the cycle?
Which is the right place to know someone? A bar? The Club? At work? Really? Is so complicated....is just weird. And everytime is even more weird and awkward
I like to work, and I know how to do it and how to talk about it; but when love comes to the conversation is something that I really have not experienced yet (Of course you know which type of love I´m talking about)
When someone ask me:
What is love for you? Have you been inlove before? Are you inlove now?
My mind turns black......and I have no answer. That field in my life is empty. Is not written.
Relationships? Two
The longest one? 3 months
Why? Just did not work and did not worth it
Are you ready for a relationship? Well, How do you really know when you are ready?
Do you want just to know somebody or to have a real boyfriend? I have to know and then we can see...
Do you see yourself in a relationship? (This answer terrifies me) No, at least not for now.
Why? I want other things first.
But why? I do not want to invest time in somebody else when I have not finished what I want.
Can´t you have both things at the same time? I guess I could, but now I am not mature enough for having a relationship, having a job, my university, my family, my friends, my time.
Your time? Yes, my time.
What do you mean with "Your Time"?
My time is when I want to be just with My mind, my soul and my body.
What about sleeping with someone you could love?
I know it feels good, I know is something I enjoy. I have done that but just for the simple pleasure of feeling that and probably I enjoyed that person, but then the feeling becomes an empty feeling, the sensation goes away from me and I feel dirty. I can have sex and that is fine, but sleeping with someone .....is weird now. Sleeping with someone I could love, probably yes, but how do I know I will love that person? So if you don´t know, you are just simply sleeping with someone and that´s it. And sleeping with someone is really easy, you just have to like somebody and then you have sex and then you fall asleep....it might sound raw but that is what happens, and in my case that makes me feel dirty, empty, disgusted. I think I could avoid that feeling just having sex and then say goodbye. But that is not me, See? How everything turns complicated?
From a simple question.....to a complicated answer. But I guess I want a real process before sleeping with someone I could love.
What do you mean by real process?
Having a first date! Having a second date! Having a third date! Having a fourth date and so on! And then just keep dating and make love and learn about the other person, falling in love you know?
Meet that person, enjoy the talk, love the conversation, see the shine in his eyes, see how passionate can be the first conversation, feeling that possible conexion.....if you do not feel that, you can avoid all the real process and just have sex if both want that.
Do you want to be loved?
I think I do. But I am not like before, I do not trust anyone now. But the answer would be Yes.
How do you think that you will know that you just meet the person for having a " real process"?
I don´t really know. But I think that when that moment comes I will definitely know it. I think that the Universe, my soul, my mind and my body will let me know. Just as when you know you need water, I think I will know that I will need that person for real, not just like a soda, not like juice....need it as water, stupid but you got the idea, right?
So that is the way I think.......God I´m weird.
A conversation with myself. Too many ideas now, So my next entry will be soon......
.........I guess I just don´t know.
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