Project: 30 days/30 ways

I want to start a personal project that will last 30 days. I want to do this project because I want to be a better person, change some bad habits, attitudes, and also I want to do this to be a healthier person and to remove or at least start to go over somethings that hurts and annoys me really deep inside. 

What I will try to learn and get from this 30 days project will be improving my way to be as a person, as a son, as a worker and the best of all to be fine with my self. Be happy with who I am and learn even more from everything, because as I heard from someone once: "Every day above ground is a good day" so every day is a gift and I want to learn and keep the good things from everyday and improve what I can improve. 

I´m 21 years old now, and personally I don´t think thats an excuse anymore to justify mistakes or stupid behaviours. 

In order to improve my inner being I want to learn to be more: Tolerant, Patient, Cautious, Humble, proactive  and to give my best on everything.

I´ve identified some of my weaknesses that I want to fight and learn on how to handle them or changing those "bad" qualities into a good thing:

1- Hot tempered

2- Intolerant

3- indiscreet

4- careless

5- selfish

6- Sometimes unprofessional. 

Those would be related to the things I want to improve for my inner being. 

Then If I talk about what I want to change about being a healthy person: 

1- Not drinking alcohol (I have 2 months sober already)

2- Quit smokig

3- Stop eating junk food

4- Exercising at least 30 minutes per day (One month already doing)

5- Eat healthier

6- Lose (At least) 15 pounds weight in 30 days

In order to get more focus on my goals for this project I will:

Fast for three days starting tomorrow.

Read proverbs during that period as well.

Write and post every day about the experience I had every day, as a Journal.

Check if my goals are being acomplished every ten days 

This day is ending already, this will start tomorrow so more changes are coming and 

more improvement has to be done. 

All of this just to be better with my self........

Because at the end if you are not fine with your self.

 Will you be able to be fine with someone else?

Melancholy

Melancholy...a sadness that comes in the night, when we're all alone under the canopy of a million stars, that feeling of loneliness that sometimes makes me wish to have a love in my life. That state that makes me want to be loved.....that feeling that appears.........sometimes.


That sometimes seems to be happening more often that usual, that usual makes me feel unsecure. 
Because now Usual seems to be sometimes and sometimes seems to be.......something unknown.


The unknown is terrifying to me, is something I just don´t like, because it makes me feel like going anywhere or to a lot of places but without knowing where!


Melancholy........one feeling that I hate and I love...........I guess!

The fear, the unknown and the feelings

I have been thinking about you.

Thinking every day

Is this an obsession?

This long crush

Your stupid beauty

When I see you

When you touch me

When you see me

When you are next to me

I feel

I hate to feel

Feeling love for someone makes me vulnerable

Makes me write shit about love

This stupid behavior

When I start to think about a possibility

This shit called: feelings

Feelings that you make me feel!

Thinking too much about you makes me act like an idiot

Constantly thinking about you makes me want to kiss you

I could take you to the stars and let you there so I know you are far from me so I won´t see you anymore therefore probably I  could stop this feelings for you……but then probably I will go to the stars again so I could be with you, just the two of us!

I don´t want to think about you

This thoughts just comes like a rush

They never ask me permission

They are so rebels, they just show off and disappear when I don’t expect

This could happen

It could be

There is a possibility

It might

There is chance………..but this fear

The fear

Makes me doubt

Makes me feel incapable

Makes me ….. nothing

A part of me wants you………then the other one says It is just an illusion

You don´t know, but I think I have feelings for you

You don´t know, but I constantly think about you

You don’t know, but I think I could be in love with you

You don´t know, but you make me feel vulnerable

I really don´t know …… If this will start or end some day